Grief and pain. . . .

It's a dream....but it's cold reality and one must face the consequences of evil run rampant throughout this world. January 15th every year is a day of mourning for my dear friend and her family. Their beloved daughter was killed in 1997. Slain for no reason other than just because by two thugs.
A mother's  heart beats more rapidly when she thinks of her children and every year my friend loses part of her psyche on this day.

Lately, I have been talking with clients who are sharing their grief and loss with me. Deep breath. Center yourself. Being a therapist can be difficult at times. We are empathetic souls who try to help the world be more joyous.

How does one cope with loss? As everyone knows, when you experience loss, a hole of sorts rips your soul. That tear must be mended or filled by something exquisite. Something that will mend the shards of pain that intermingle throughout the heart. How do we know exactly what that is? If I knew, I would tell you, and we'd all be richer for it. But it is different for each person. Each person must explore and expand his or her horizons until a rich process of healing begins.

What I do know is that it is a very tedious and slow process. It doesn't happen overnight and you can't find pills to speed up the healing. But with care and great moral support, the pain will lessen. The trauma will unfold and dissipate slowly, atom by atom. And one day you will be able to possibly come to terms with your loss.

I will leave you with a few thoughts that will perhaps buoy you through your wellness journey:

  • Be good to  yourself.
  • You can't change the past, no matter how much you try.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Keep yourself active.
  • Find a support group of a few or a thousand who have experienced the same kind of loss. 
  • Smile and think of positive things and, yes, think of your loss and embrace it, but with the knowledge that no one can ever take away your memories of your loved one or other loss.
  • Try to find something you enjoy, such as art, music, drama, or volunteering somewhere.
  • Thank the heavens that you had the opportunity to meet with your loved one. . . .
  • Create a living memorial for him/her.
  • Write a story or poem about this individual.
  • Scribble and scribble and scribble without care. . . .
  • Listen to soft music or energizing music - whatever brings you joy.
  • Read. Find a series of books you can escape to at times when thoughts start to turn your world upside down.
  • Pray and ask for sustenance.
And, finally, remember to breathe and take care of your physical body. You only have one and only one life in which to live within it.

You are safe. You are good. You are loved!

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